is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My vagina is very pro this idea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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