what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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