fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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