dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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