I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
