i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
