Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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