Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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