i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
