we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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