Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
