I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
