high people should be assigned attendants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
