Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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