but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
