i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
