Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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