I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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