I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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