my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
