you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
