the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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