im about as happy as oj after his trial
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
