Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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