Tell her she can't have a vagina
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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