Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
