woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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