there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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