So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
