Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
