Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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