Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
