All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
