Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
