I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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