I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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