So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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