Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
