dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
