An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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