the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No subtext here. People are naked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
