but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
