Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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