i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drake has all the answers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
