i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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