My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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