There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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