Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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