Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
