It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
