The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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