and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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