I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
