my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
