If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
