Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
