Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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