Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
