i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
